According to some estimates, the epidemic caused weight increase in nearly half of American adults. All of us will at some time in our lives, according to life’s inevitabilities, but that doesn’t imply we’ll like it or be eager to accept and welcome our new bodies.
Some people find it so difficult to cope with weight gain that mental health professionals have developed the phrase “body grief” to characterise their suffering, which is characterised by a profound sense of loss. In order to deal with this sadness, we must first mourn our former bodies—or the ones we had imagined for ourselves—and then let them go.
“Grief is so significant when it comes to our bodies and relationships to food,” says Sarah Herstich, a therapist with a focus on trauma and eating disorders who practises in Pennsylvania. “People find the sadness over what you lost upsetting.”
Herstich frequently uses the phrase when clients complain that they can no longer fit into their favourite garments or locate them readily in the store. They may be struggling with brand-new challenges, such as not being able to fit into an aeroplane seat, or they may feel alienated in a culture that outspokenly (and problematically) values thinness. Weight increase brought on by issues with mental or physical health, pregnancy, or age is frequently the cause of body sadness.
“Bodies will change, and throughout each season of life, how we care for ourselves and what our bodies need will be different,” says Herstich. “Learning to be OK with that”—or, if that’s not yet feasible, not criticising yourself for how long it takes to get there—is “one of the hardest parts.”
We requested advice from Herstich and other professionals on how to deal with body grief.
Embrace it
According to Meredith Nisbet, a national clinical response manager and certified eating disorders expert with the Eating Recovery Centre, immersing yourself in your grief may seem contradictory, but it’s vital. “I always tell individuals that experiencing body grief is the same as experiencing other types of loss. It will continue to happen for a longer period of time and become more severe the more you try to deny it is happening.
Recognise your discomfort and the reasons behind it as you sit there
According to Nisbet, you could say something like, “I’m really sad that my body doesn’t look the way it used to, that people don’t treat me the same way, or that I can’t move through the world as easily as I once did.” All of those emotions are legitimate, and acknowledging them can be a significant step in the process of progress.
Scan your body
According to Nisbet, we frequently view our bodies as external objects that must be controlled and manipulated to achieve the perfect shape. “We’re disassociated from it and can’t process our emotions because it feels like we’re viewing something from a distance,” the author says when that happens. She urges her clients to undertake a body scan to get more in tune with themselves. Start by closing your eyes while sitting comfortably in a chair with your feet flat on the floor. After that, “consider what feels good and terrible in your body. “Pay attention to your breath,” she says.
According to Nisbet, this technique, which is a type of mindfulness meditation, can help you develop a good relationship with your body and feel more connected to your physical and emotional selves.
Think about the expense of keeping your former body.
If seeing an old photo of yourself makes you feel miserable—my arms used to be so toned!—that is unmistakably an indication of body mourning.
Bri Campos, a licenced professional counsellor and body-image coach in New Jersey, suggests that since going back in time isn’t possible, you can instead try to change your attitude. She explains, “I have to remind myself what it would cost me to look like that when I’m missing my [smaller] body”—financially, physically, and emotionally.
Campos has reached a stage in her life when she may enjoy the way she appears in old photographs, but she also recalls “that I was miserable.” One collection of images, for instance, shows her beaming at a wedding while wearing a pastel dress. What the images don’t reveal is that she was spending a fortune for a gym membership and drinking protein shakes so disgusting, she had to pinch her nose to consume them. Would she be willing to endure all of that once more just to momentarily feel pleased with her appearance? No chance, according to her.
Don’t refuse every photo
It’s possible that you’re inclined to ban photography so that this uncomfortable new version of your body won’t be captured on camera. Nisbet offers a few strategies for suppressing such an impulse.
First, take into account the present situation. Do you have a particular occasion to mark? enjoying a stunning location you’ve never been to before? Perhaps a loved one is standing next to you. She instructs, “Consider the totality of human experience at that time.”
It can be useful to think about the people who could value images of you in the future. What if I didn’t want to be in these photos at all? What does that say to my future family, friends, and children who will want to see pictures of me? She goes on to say that they will be happy to see you in whatever shape or form and wouldn’t want you to hold off taking pictures till you have the “perfect body.”
Your social media feeds should be varied
It can be challenging to block out external messages concerning weight, but try your best to do so. Herstich advises unfollowing social media accounts that are diet- or “fitspo”-related or that make you feel horrible about your appearance. Additionally, you have the option to report and disable advertisements with information about weight loss.
